A Friend with a Flashlight

I’m independent and I like it.

I want to solve my own problems and make my own way. But I got a jarring wake-up call a few years ago when my life veered out of control.

I discovered I couldn’t fix it all.

I shouldn’t have been surprised. Human beings weren’t created to live in isolation.

Yet for me, like many of us, the hardest thing to do was to say “I need help”.

Why is it so hard? What stops us from reaching out?

Here are a few reasons:

It feels like failure. We don’t want to admit we can’t handle the present situation.

We’re afraid to be vulnerable. It’s terrifying.

We can’t stand being rejected. If people knew what was really going on, they would avoid us.

My divorce devastated me. When I finally gathered the courage to seek help, I hit several dead ends. With each rebuff, I wanted to crawl under the bed and hide from the world. But I persevered, because my alternative was a future filled with pain, desolation and hopelessness. I couldn’t find my way out by myself.

I needed a friend with a flashlight and map.

If you’re in a dark place, unsure of the path, imagine your relief when someone comes alongside who’s been there and knows the pitfalls. Their experience and knowledge will lead you to safety.

For me, the flashlight and map was DivorceCare, a support group that offers hope and healing. For people with addictions, there is a group called Celebrate Recovery. If you’ve lost a loved one, try GriefShare. There are also groups such as AlAnon, Alcoholics Anonymous and the National Institute of Mental Health.

The point is, you don’t have to be stuck alone, in the darkness.

Have you found a friend with a flashlight? Please comment and tell me about it.

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